Stillborn Thoughts

 These vast arrays of thoughts
Boil halfway within my skull
Darting, lively through my limbs
To cool and subside
Underneath my docile fingertips

These stillborn thoughts
Plague the lofty heart in me
Coming to pass
Within the lush hallow of my cranium
And then vanish in an instant
Taken from me,
As the pride my mother once instilled

Do I dare recover?
Pry into the mystic haze
And brandish the unwanted
The undercooked
The limp and dormant
My warmth to relish in, for just the moment

Or do I despair?
Recede as my mother wishes
And reach for what is closest and tame

 I'm sorry, i'm drawing a blank tonight. I was going to write a poem about a sniper's last stand at the end of the Spanish civil war but i doubted myself.. I was going to write about hurdling toward the ground in plain crash, but i doubted myself.. I was going to write how my parents don't value my craft and believe i should pursue something that will make me rich, but i doubted myself and i don't have the stomach to say what i really want to say. I keep thinking "What if the moment i finish writing this, both of my parents suddenly dropped dead.. How would i feel then?" If you cant tell by now, i'm having one of my mood swings which will soon evolve into a full blown anxiety attack. I'd better buckle up.